In the desert

Adoption is hard. Waiting is difficult. Seeing your child and then leaving them for an undetermined amount of time is excruciating. But I believe that she is ours. Not because I created this story but because I FIRMLY believe God did. And if He wrote it then I can trust Him to bring it to completion. I LOVE the lyrics to this song. While we sang them last night I could see myself in each verse. In the desert, the trials, the battle and the harvest.

Also, click HERE to read what Jamie Ivey has to say about meeting your children and then having to leave them. OH, how I needed this TODAY! Tough day....so thankful God used her in this exact moment. She said it beautifully. Thanks Jamie!!!!


The Desert Song by Hillsong

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness, or trial, or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the harvest
Where favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

 ¹ O LORD, you have searched me 
       and you know me.

 ² You know when I sit and when I rise;
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 ³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
       you are familiar with all my ways.

 ⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.

 ⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.

 ⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too lofty for me to attain.

 ⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
       Where can I flee from your presence?

 ⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
       if I make my bed in the depths, ^[a] you are there.

 ⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 ¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
       your right hand will hold me fast.

 ¹¹ If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
       and the light become night around me,"

 ¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
       the night will shine like the day,
       for darkness is as light to you.

 ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

 ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

 ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

 ¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

 ¹⁷ How precious to ^[b] me are your thoughts, O God!
       How vast is the sum of them!

 ¹⁸ Were I to count them,
       they would outnumber the grains of sand.
       When I awake,
       I am still with you.

 ¹⁹ If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
       Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

 ²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
       your adversaries misuse your name.

 ²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
       and abhor those who rise up against you?

 ²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
       I count them my enemies.

 ²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
       test me and know my anxious thoughts.

 ²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
       and lead me in the way everlasting.

Needed this today....said it out loud and proclaimed it :) Hope it speaks to you today too.

Radical

I recently just finished reading Radical by David Platt.  I've heard of this book for some time but didn't have a strong desire to read it.  On a whim I picked up the book at Barnes and Noble and decided to purchase it.  Now, while there are some extreme statements in this book and it is no substitute for The Word, it has challenged me and unnerved me.  You know, one of those books that I almost wish I hadn't read because now I am forced to wrestle with some issues I would rather push away.

 I am comfortable.  I have a pretty nice house in the exact neighborhood I wanted...a wonderful husband....a dog and soon to be daughter.  I live a comfortable life.  But, I almost think when our life is comfortable...we are not truly living the life God created us to live.  When we are comfortable we are not dependent on Him.  God has been challenging us on this....especially when we decided to adopt from Ethiopia.  I was not comfortable with adopting a child that didn't look like us.  Now, don't start throwing stones....I am just being honest.  It took me by surprise when I realized that was in my heart.  God worked on my heart for a year and now I am so excited I can hardly stand it.  But, I would not call the process "comfortable." I would call it amazing, crazy, and completely reliant on Him, but not comfortable.

God is breaking us in some other areas of this as well....so please pray that Russ and I would be willing to truly serve Him and to quit chasing the American dream and be radical in our pursuit of "making disciples" which to me means  bringing others to Him through relationships for His glory.

I have heard people say that after reading this book...they felt like they must just sell everything and move across the world.  While I am sure that is exactly what God intends for some and perhaps I will do at some point... I also feel like the book challenged me to be radical in Tupelo, MS where I am called right now.

A few quotes I underlined:

"How many of us are embracing the comforts of suburban America while we turn a deaf ear to inner cities in need of the gospel?"

"This is how God works.  He puts His people in positions where they are desperate for his power, and then he shows his provision in ways that display his greatness."

"Fundamentally, the gospel is the revelation of who God is, who we are, and how we can be reconciled to him.  Yet in the America dream, where self reigns as king (or queen), we have a dangerous tendency to misunderstand, minimize, and even manipulate the gospel in order to accommodate our assumptions and desires.  As a result, we desperately need to explore how much of our understanding of the gospel is American and how much is biblical.  And in the process we need to examine whether we have misconstrued a proper response to the gospel and maybe even missed the primary reward of the gospel, which is God himself."

"It's a foundational truth: God creates, blesses, and saves each of us for a radically global purpose.  But if we are not careful, we will be tempted to make exceptions.  We will be tempted to adopt spiritual smoke screens and embrace national comforts that excuse us from the global plan of Christ.  And in the process we will find ourselves settling for lesser plans that the culture around us - and even the church around us - deems more admirable, more manageable, and more comfortable."

This post is heavy....just wanted to let you all know what is going on in Anna's life :)

Have a great Saturday night!!

Anna

ps--still no referral :(  we are at 6 1/2 months now.  Hopefully, it won't be long!!!

I've Been Thinking About Something

*****This post was intended for Friday, February 19th.

Today two very important events took place.  One being my grandfather's funeral and the other us being on the official waitlist for one month.  I must confess...my heart is devastated by my grandfather's passing.  But, it is amazing how God can create good and peace in any situation.  He certainly has done that for us.
       Granddaddy came out of surgery on Thursday, February 11th.  They removed over half his liver (including the cancerous part) and was doing great!!  I went into his ICU room that night and spent an hour or so.  I held his hand listening to him sing God's praises.  He told of the peace God had given him the night before the surgery.  That night he went to bed knowing that the next day he would stare death in the face yet never had a negative thought, fear or anxiety...just peace. 
    My aunt told of how the night before, my grandparents, both being in their individual twin beds in the hospital room, spent the night rotating from one bed to the next just to snuggle together.  Oh, how I pray Russ and I will be like this after 56 years of marriage. My grandmother told me how he sang to her that morning..just as he always did.
       On Friday I spent the entire day with him.  A day I will never forget.  We talked of how excited we were that he would be there when Lucy came home.  He then said those five words that he said so often "I've been thinking about something."  He proceded to tell me his thoughts on Lucy.  I knew he supported us but we had not really talked too specifically about it.  He had sent us an article on Ethiopian religion...which talked of how some worshipped God along with a long list of other gods.
     He then proceded to tell me that God wants all people to know him and that God was using Russ and me.  He described us as tools that God was using so that Lucy could know and hear about Him.  How maybe Lucy would never have known God if we were not being obedient...how God's plan is so much bigger than ours and how he loves us all so much.  He then grabbed my chin...pulled me down to his face and told me how much he loved me.
     That was my last conversation with him.  I arrived on Tuesday, February 16th right before he went to be with Jesus.  My heart broke but God gave us so much peace.  The image in my head of my granddaddy seeing Jesus for the first time was almost too much.  Oh, how he loved Jesus.  But then my heart sank.  He wouldn't be there to meet Lucy.....

At that moment God whispered in my ear...."You have an amazing story and legacy to share with her."  My last conversation with him was about her!!  How he loved her and how he wanted her to know God's love!!!  Thank you Jesus for that conversation.  What an amazing conversation I will have with her one day. My heart still grieves over them not getting to meet but I am so thankful for God's tenderness and compassion he had by allowing us to have that conversation.

Finishing the race

My sweet granddaddy is dancing in heaven today.  He was the greatest man I knew.  He loved Jesus and couldn't wait to see Him.  No one wanted to see Jesus more than him and now he is.  Oh, I wish I could see that sight.  In my granddaddy's words, "I have claimed this verse the past couple of months and I think it has claimed me too."

"He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler." Psalm 91:1-4

I wrote here: http://annaandruss.blogspot.com/2010/01/running-race.html about the race my granddaddy was running.  Well, he finished the race and he finished well. He accomplished his task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.  He was still sharing God's love in the hospital...witnessing to all that would listen :)  

Even though he knew his life could be towards the end, my sweet granddaddy still completely trusted in God. He knew the cancer could beat him but he fought the good fight, kept the faith, and finished his race.  I can hear God telling him now "well done my good and faithful servant."  

Acts 20:24 

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

2 Timothy 4:7

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

I love you granddaddy and miss you already.  I couldn't be more proud to be your granddaughter....ole Anna banana.

Strength

***Note to you precious readers...the issue of perfection and "doing it all on my own" is something I work through on a daily basis.  These are just a few notes and things I have been learning and working through in the past couple of weeks. Thought I would share some of my random thoughts in hopes that they provide you with encouragement for today.

Strength.  This is the word God has been pouring on me the last couple of weeks.  Sometimes life just gets difficult...almost too much to bear.  Circumstances (or just the day to day) can leave you weary and exhausted.

When I have moments that are difficult in my life...my first thought is "What can I do to FIX this?"  or "What can I do to make sure everything is perfect and everyone is happy?"  Well,  those are great questions completely crazy questions....life is not always perfect, neat, tidy ....packaged with a bow on top.  I (we) cannot fix everything or everyone.  There is nothing that will suck the life out of us more than trying to control all of life's circumstances and outcomes .

We can survive on our own strength for a bit..then even that seems to disappear. My desire is to be a person that relies on Christ's strength instead of my own. So many times I continue to rely on my own strength instead of the only true ONE that can provide it.

 HE is our only true source of strength.  He will provide all the strength we need.  In any circumstance or situation.

There is no battle that He can't equip us to fight.  No mountain too tall or valley too wide.  We don't have to pull our ownselves up...He will do that for us :)


Psalm 46:10
""Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

2 Samuel 22:33
 "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect."

Psalm 18:32

"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect."

Psalm 46:1
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

Psalm 73:26
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Isaiah 40:29
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."

Daniel 10:19
"Do not be afraid, O man highly esteemed," he said. "Peace! Be strong now; be strong." When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, "Speak, my lord, since you have given me strength."

Habakkuk 3:19
"The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

Running the race

I consider myself an emotional person but the strange thing is that it hits when I least expect it.  I can never gage my reaction to certain events. For example, I am a crier BUT when Russ proposed to me on June 21, 2004, I laughed the entire time.  No tears. Well, maybe one when he prayed for our life together.  Around Thanksgiving this past year, my friend Katie talked me into running the St. Jude 5k in Memphis (the first week in December.....).  I don't know why I said yes..but I did.  Running a 5k had been a goal of mine and I finally decided to just do it....even though I had not been training.

It was around 22 degrees when we began the race. I was nervous.  It was COLD. My mind was focused on me finishing the race...for me. To check it off my list of things I wanted to do. But something happened around mile 2.  I began to notice all of the people running together for specific cancer survivors or in memory of someone who had died of cancer.

My thoughts shifted to my good friend Katie who fought and beat cancer and is now a nurse at St. Jude. Every year growing up we would go to the Chism's on Christmas morning to see what Santa had brought them.  That particular year I remember peering in through the back windows of their house, seeing Katie attached to her IV pole, waving to us with a huge smile and her cute, bald head. Her immune system was so weak we couldn't even enter into the house.

By mile 2 1/2 ....tears were streaming down my face.  As the people cheered us on...I know they were thinking ..."oh, that poor girl is hurting so bad" :) I was so caught up into me finishing the race that it never occurred to me what the race stood for.  As I entered into Autozone Park...finishing the race ...and achieving my goal....suddenly that didn't matter to me.  What mattered were the millions of people fighting for their lives and the ones that had sadly lost theirs.

This week, we found out that my grandfather has cancer.  Cancer has suddenly hit close to home.  I am no longer watching people run in support of cancer patients that I don't know...I am supporting one of my own...my precious grandad, a true Saint here on Earth.

But, Tom Burchfield is running a race of his own.  And he will finish strong.  No matter the course or outcome.  We pray for healing but are confident that God's plan is perfect.

Acts 20:24

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."

Philippians 3:13-14

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Hebrews 12:1-3

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Ephesians 3:20

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"

Happy Anniversary!

Russ and I have known each other almost 9 years. And I must say...I have loved him from the beginning.

I just finished reading Pride and Prejudice and there was a quote from Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth. When asked how long he had loved Elizabeth he said, " I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun." No words could better describe how my love for Russ started. I think he would feel the same way.

Yesterday we celebrated being married four years. While I cannot believe that it has been that long, I must say it has been a journey. An amazing journey. Seeing our relationship grow and change deepens my trust in our God that put it together. While I cannot wait for the many years to come...I will start with today. I will love him harder, hug him longer, and serve him more today all the while knowing that he is doing the exact same for me. What a true blessing.

I love you, Russ!!

Bethel Home

I want to share with you a place that has captured my heart. While in China in October I had the privilege of getting to visit Bethel Home. Bethel is the only home for blind orphans in all of China. They provide for them in amazing ways and truly care for them. Bethel cares for almost 50 children but...there are millions more that need a caring home. I was able to meet the director and see his heart. He and his wife have an amazing story of obedience and hearing God's call for their lives. Russ and I are praying for ways to financially help Bethel...they are in need and I feel like God is calling me to share their story and find others that want to help. Please take 10 minutes to watch this incredible video. I will post more once Russ and I figure out how God wants to use us to help Bethel. If you want more info...please contact us!!! (or go here and see the different ways you can help).

anna

waiting

I have known of Jesus for a long time now. I would even go as far to say...I know Him well, or so I thought. For the last 2 months now, I have been on a journey of knowing Him better. I have known for a while now that my perceptions of Him were not accurate. While, we can never fully know and comprehend who Jesus is...my perceptions of Him have been off. There are people in my life and things that I have heard that have pushed me to see God as someone that likes to push me around and tell me what to do. I have also had this intense feeling of not being good enough. Now, while I must say--we will never be good enough...forcing myself to try and be good enough takes away the need for God sending Jesus and for His redeeming grace.

"Be still and know that I am God" has been a verse God has shown me for the last year. This year I feel like He is calling me to "be still and know Him." That's right--learn to know WHO He is instead of who I perceive Him to be in all of my insecurities.

I have tried to put into words the way that I feel sometimes. As I watched a beautiful sunset this week, the vision came to me. I am a bride at the alter waiting for my husband to show up. In this vision--my husband is Jesus. I wait anxiously, nervously, wondering if He will show up. Am I good enough, did I do everything right, am I beautiful enough, did I wear the right dress, did I say the right things? What if I am not.

Then the most beautiful words were spoken to me. "Anna, I will always show up. You will never be good enough but that's okay. Enter into this love relationship with me. Let me be the lover of your soul. I've covered all the bases..I sent Jesus."

And then...I opened up my Bible and this verse was there on the pages...in all His glory.

Hosea 2: 14- 16

"But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her form her captivity in Egypt. When that day comes, "says the Lord," you will cal me 'MY HUSBAND' instead of 'MY MASTER.'

So, this year, I long to continue on this road of seeing Jesus as a husband instead of a master. How freeing to take the pressure off of me and how good I am and place it on Him--the only one that is perfect and loves perfectly.

anna

From Ashes to Africa

I am pretty much obsessed with blogs. I spend way too much time reading them and am currently having to learn "time management" skills to ensure that I don't stay up all night reading them....which I would never ever do :)

I had seen this blog before but not until after they had gotten back from Ethiopia. I saw that they had a book coming out on their adoption so I ordered the book. I received the book on Wednesday and had finished it by Thursday. From Ashes to Africa is an amazing story on going from extreme hurt and pain to a joy so amazing they could have never dreamed it for themselves. Please check out The Bottomly's blog here and order their book here. This book will stir up many emotions in you but leave you with a hope and peace that only God can provide.

While I do not know the pain that The Bottomly's went through, I do know what it is like to know that you have a child out there (or soon to be born) and want them home. Reading about The Bottomly's getting Silas made me excited about the day that we get our child!! My heart is becoming more and more ready.

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hope, love, and cards

(Copied from www. givecards.org)

Give Hope:
Impact the world. Shape the future. Give hope to the hopeless in a very real way. How? Give Cards.

Give Love:

Love. A simple word that means so much. Give love to the needy hundreds of miles away and in your own community. How? Give Cards

Give Cards:

GiveCards, a registered non-profit, specializes in collecting unused gift cards and converting them into cash, which is then donated to selected charities.

Charities they are now giving to: Salvation Army, Blood: Water Mission, American Heart Association, and then urgent disaster relief.

It was estimated that over 8 billion dollars were left on unused gift cards last year. 8 billion dollars left on cards in such small amounts that people either forgot about them or threw them away. I KNOW I am the worst about wasting gift cards. Sometimes, I use them and they still have several dollars left and then I never spend the remaining money. Well, this makes it easy. YOu can go to this website and see how to donate your leftover giftcards. They even give you free postage to send it!! All they ask is that the card has at least enough to cover the cost of postage.

Click here to get directions on how to send in your leftover gift cards!!! If we spread this word, then slowly the 8 billion could be used for something amazing!!

Eyes to see

God has really been showing me scriptures about faith lately. I was reading Matthew 9: 27-29. Here is what it says.

"After Jesus left the girl's home, two blind men followed along behind him, shouting, "Son of David, have mercy on us!"

They went right into the house where he was staying, and Jesus asked them, "Do you believe I can make you see?" "Yes, Lord," they told him, "we do."

"Then he touched their eyes and said, "Because of your faith, it will happen." Then their eyes were opened, and they could see!"

Now I must say that God is not a magic genie that you just rub on the bottle and it will come true. But, according to scripture, God can do ALL. My trouble is BELIEVING. I tend to believe according to what my human eyes see. If things are looking good in life, then I believe God is good and He can do all. When things begin to look grim, then I tend to doubt.

But that is not what faith is. Faith is " being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1). God is doing so much more..we just can't see it for our unbelief.

This world would be a different place if people when asked the question "do you believe" answered yes wholeheartedly. My prayer is that I would not view the goodness of God by the realities that I see but by the characteristics of who He is.

Ephesians 3:20

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."

Love, Anna

Season to love

Christmas season is officially here! Wal-mart is crazy...traffic is everywhere. But, I have really been thinking this year about the true reason for Christmas. When I look around me, I become sad about how much STUFF we buy. I say we because I am the world's worst. I mentioned earlier this year to my family about not buying so much STUFF. I tried to come up with a RULE...mostly because sometimes I like to be in control. Okay, a lot of the time. But, I have realized that it is not even about setting RULES. It is more about just having the realization that Christ is the only reason we celebrate this season. It is about putting HIM first and giving to others. It is about love. I am still struggling with how to balance this all. I was reading this blog and found this video. Please take a minute to watch this.