More of Christmas

Christmas Time is Here

I have talked of my grandad passing away from cancer on here before. He had surgery in February to take the cancer out....unsure as to whether he would survive the surgery or not. Once he came out of surgery doing well....I let my mind go there. I pictured him with Lucy .....especially during Christmas since we thought she would be home by then.

Fast forward to Christmas....grandaddy not with us and Lucy not home yet. I thought I was prepared but apparently not. As I put the tree up after Thanksgiving....it was a sore sight. I would hang an ornament...then cry a little. Put some ribbon on the tree....cry a little. It hit me then that Christmas would be a little different this year.....that my heart would be missing two precious people. In some ways....reality hit that day. Russ suggested that I stop putting up Christmas decorations and just not decorate this year.

I...being just a tad stubborn....told him I could handle this...that Christmas was my favorite time of the year....and I just needed to grieve that day and then I would be better.

And I did. I grieved all day for the loss of my precious grandad and the loss of Lucy not being with us yet.

But also on that day I decided that I would have joy. Christmas celebrates our Savior's birth and I WOULD be joyful about that. His birth is the BEST news and this year I was going to celebrate HIM. It was that day that I felt God calling me to be still and be PRESENT with Him....to truly anticipate His birth.

During the Christmas Eve service at church....I thought about Mary like I never had before. Having a child...not knowing the circumstances.....all the unknowns yet an angel telling her not to be afraid....I had empathy for Mary......the way people must have talked about her...how she did the right thing no matter what others said....how scared she must have been....and most of all how she believed and had faith before she even knew what she was believing in.

Yes during this season we experienced some sad moments...moments where I just couldn't muster up the strength to be joyful. BUT this has been the most meaningful Christmas I have ever experienced. While the circumstances were not as I would have wanted them....the tenderness and faithfulness God lavished on us was simple amazing.

We decided early in the year we would stay home Christmas Eve. We thought Lucy would be here and we wanted to stay in our house as a family. Once we realized she wouldn't be here we decided that for the first time we would stay at our house Christmas Eve...just us. Russ and I cooked steaks, watched A Christmas Story, played Scrabble (which I won!!!), opened our gifts to each other and read from Luke. An amazing night.

We then went to bed and woke up to THIS!!!

Such a fun gift!!! A WHITE CHRISTMAS!!! Icing on the cake....my friends...icing on the cake.

"Because of God’s tender mercy,
the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us,
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
and to guide us to the path of peace.”

Luke 1:78-79

30 days

30 days until we leave for Ethiopia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT believe it is this close. January 27th cannot get here fast enough. We are so excited about spending time with our daughter and getting to explore Ethiopia. My heart is beating fast as I write this. Reality is setting in....this is not a dream....we are actually going to SEE our daughter for the first time in 34 days and when we come home .....she will be with us!!!!!

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is It...

Advent.

I grew up in a church in the south, but we never really celebrated advent. I mean, we went to Christmas parties. Our church read scripture about the birth of Christ. We sang all the songs. But the word "advent" didn't enter my lexicon until the past few years. Even now, I don't really spend a lot of weeks or even days preparing for the celebration of the Messiah.

I do know what it's like to wait. In August of 2009, Anna and I started the process of adopting a child from Ethiopia. We had discussed this for years, and finally took the definitive step forward. Since then it's been a process of waiting. Get this form turned in and wait. Have this notarized then wait. Pay this fee and wait. Make this phone call and wait.

We decorated the house for Christmas with a slight sadness because we have waited so long and Lucy still isn't here yet. We had seen her face, but we didn't even know when we'd be able to view it outside of a backlit computer screen. It was frustrating.

A week ago we got a call from our agency that said we had a court date. We're going to be in Ethiopia at the end of January, and we arrive at court on February 4th with the anticipation that she will be ours. So now, even though she's not here yet, we celebrate Christmas with a joy that our lives are about to change forever. There will be new joys, new hopes, new life that enters our house. Maybe that's what Advent is about. The anticipation of new joys and new hopes and new life.

After years and years of wait, the Hebrew people got the Messiah they had been promised. All of humanity was given the Savior of the world. He didn't come in a way that they expected, but when he did come, all was right with the world. God never shows up the way we want him to. He always messes with our sense of expectation. For a while I thought he was some cosmic bully, just letting us know that he's in charge. I'm starting to see that God messes with our expectations because he wants us to know that if we take control of our lives, it just doesn't work out as well. When he takes control, he blows our expectations out of the water. He lets us see just how small our plans are.

So this year, I will celebrate the birth of the Savior of the world. I will celebrate knowing that God knew this Christmas would be my last as a non-parent. I will celebrate because God has an enormous plan for the eventual redemption of the world, and I am a small part of it. I will celebrate because he knows what he's doing, even when I don't.

Change

Christmas Change from Kujilana on Vimeo.

FedEx and Reality

Monday, Russ had a conversation with his co-workers about praying for the adoption. He didn't ask them to pray for a courtdate.....he asked them to pray that we would have a peace no matter when it happened.

I decided this week was THE WEEK that I would truly ASK God for a courtdate. In fact, Monday night I was talking to some friends telling them this. But, I also desired for it to be His timing not ours. I was beginning to feel balanced....truly wanting it but trusting as well.

Well, God's timing for us to receive a courtdate was Tuesday, December 7.

I was working at a co-workers house...knee-deep in paperwork trying to get a printer to do what I needed it to do. She told me my phone was ringing and I almost just let it ring but she met me in the hallway to hand it to me. I truly was NOT THINKING it would be our agency. When I saw 817.....I knew!!

FEBRUARY 4th is the day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I left to go find Russ at the church....just knew he would be in staff meeting and I could rush in and surprise him. I had it all planned out in my head....soundtrack music playing in my head as if we were in a movie. Well, he had already left to mail our paperwork to update our fingerprints. When I finally got him on the phone.....we realized I had forgotten to tell him to SIGN the paperwork before he mailed it. We were both frustrated and all I could say was ..."you will be sorry in about 5 minutes." He headed back to FedEx.

I showed up at FedEx and had him open the piece of paper where I had written down two dates. Jan. 30 and Feb. 4. The date we have to be in-country and the courtdate.

We then had our own little celebration in the parking lot of FedEx...which is completely appropriate since we have spent so much time mailing off adoption documents :)

We are praying about staying in-country versus coming home between the two trips. Right now we are thinking we will stay. We have been blessed with flexible jobs and would LOVE to bond with our baby girl in Ethiopia. Anyone else have a courtdate around this time and staying???

We are beyond excited...and maybe just a little freaked out. I feel as though I just got pregnant and am going to deliver in less than two months. The reality of it not just being Russ and I anymore is setting in ....but we are so ready.

A Cord of Three Strands

One of my great friends, Sara Berry, just published a new book called A Cord of Three Strands. The book is a true story of a sweet lady that lives in our town and it is FABULOUS!!! It involves one teenage girl giving her child up for adoption. It involves one woman's desire and longing for children. It involves redemption and grace and a story only God could create.

I read the book in two days and BAWLED the entire time. Such a sweet, sweet story. Here is the promo video for the book. You can go to www.bethelroadpublications.com to order your copy....and she has some other great books that would be great Christmas presents as well....

Especially the sweet children's book .....A Home for Him (for boys or girls).... AMAZING artwork and tells Biblical truths plainly so that kids can understand.

Let me know if you read the book (or books) and what you think :)

Anna

Ten Years

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. We had a very relaxing week and weekend!!! Just found these pics from my ten-year high school class reunion. That night, I reflected A LOT on my life and how it has changed since high school. I reflected on my dreams and how they have evolved and changed over the past 10 years.

In high school:

Dreams: Pediatrician, marry late in life, lots of kids

Well, I was in pre-med for 1 year and then nursing for 1 year and I consistently felt out-of-place. I knew that was not what God had for me. I met Russ the very first day of college.....suddenly my marry later in life plan had failed. SO, the only consistent passion/dream of mine is kids. I felt God first talk to me about adoption at the end of my first year of college BUT I had no idea He would have it planned for our first child. How precious that He gave me a husband that desired the same thing :)

I have struggled my entire life with doing what pleases others. The night of the reunion I felt more like myself than I ever did in high school.

I work for a fabulous company that teaches kids to choose what is true, good, and right, I have an AWESOME husband that I love so much and we have a GOOD marriage AND we are working on all those kids I dreamed about :)

Praying our sweet Lucy will be home soon!!!

Random Fact Friday

So, it has been a while since I have posted Random Fact Friday. Just ran across this pic....while in Austin for the Together for Adoption conference we went to Zilker Park.

AND.....

Out of all the people sitting in the park....I got pooped on by a bird. Thought it was picture worthy :) Happy Friday!!!!

Light at the End of the Tunnel

After 15 months, we are nearing the end of this process.

Anna has been excited about getting the room ready for Lucy. She's been waiting to do it until we got a referral, now she's started to get her mind wrapped around what she wants it to look like. A couple weeks ago she had the greatest idea.

When she went to China two years ago, they toured a building that would be a meeting place for a house church. When they were there, they took pencils and wrote passages of scripture all over the walls, knowing they were going to be painted. So, knowing that we would paint over it pretty soon, we got pencils out and started writing scripture all over Lucy's room.

Some verses meant a lot to us. Some verses we have found insightful and comforting in this arduous process. Some verses were things that we read a long time ago and have impacted us in some way. As we started to write, we got more and more ideas. I can't really explain why it was such an affirming practice for us, but the more we wrote, the more we smiled and laughed and knew that God has been with us this whole time. It was a life giving process. We prayed together after the walls were full.

When we were writing all this down, I started to recall verses that I haven't read or reflected on in a long time. One of them was a verse passed onto me by my sister.

For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

Zephaniah 3:17

She sent it to me when she was in high school and I was working at Camp Lake Stephens more than ten years ago. Although it's one verse in a longer passage of God's redemption on the tail end of rebellion and punishment, that verse was exactly what I needed to hear. It was helpful in a time when I needed help.

I was looking at the words as I reflected on that verse for the first time since 1998. God is living among us. He is actually living among Lucy's room here and Lucy's room across the world. He has calmed all our fears. He has saved us, taken delight in us, rejoiced over us. He is calming her fears, saving her, taking delight in her, rejoicing over her.

This is amazing to me. I will try to pass this truth to my daughter, to all my children. It's the same way that my sister helped shaped me a long time ago. God has used all my experiences, good and bad, to shape me into who I am. Throughout those experiences have been people. Sisters, mother and father. Friends. My wife. He has used people to shape me.

My daughter will now be shaped by the truth that God rejoices over her with singing. She'll be different from me, and probably end up being a totally different person that I'll ever imagine. But my one hope above all is that she'll fall in love with the Savior that I've come to constantly let down but ultimately trust and love. The cycle goes on.

He rejoices over me. He rejoices over her. Over and over he tells us who he is by the way we are brought together. My transformation is just one more in a long line of transformations that make up the redemption of the world. That's overwhelming. More than that, though, it's wonderful beyond words.