Rivers is here- Part 5

We finally were able to leave the hospital on Friday, December 16.  We were so ready to be home. We snuggled Rivers in his gown and blanket to make the 5 minute drive to our house.  As we pulled up to the house, Lucy was at the door screaming and waving.  We were so nervous about how she was going to react.  As we walked in she immediately hugged us but she wanted Rivers out of his seat so she could hold him.  In that moment, many days and months of worrying about what it would be like to adopt and then 4 months later give birth seemed to fade away.  This was our new normal and it was going to be just fine.

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

Rivers is here - Part 4

We finally arrive in our room around 3:30 am.  The nurses from the nursery were supposed to bring Rivers to us.  Russ and I both laid down to rest when the phone rang.  It was a nurse from the nursery telling us Rivers has choked on what looked like dried blood, had turned blue, and had taken a bit to get him over it.  SCARED us so much!! The next 24 hours involved us meeting with neonatologists and pediatricians, Rivers getting several ultrasounds done, and us walking back and forth to the nursery every 3 hours to feed and spend time with him.  Not ideal, but we were so glad he was doing okay and being monitored.  They eventually felt like he just swallowed a lot of blood during birth so they suctioned his stomach and wanted to keep him with them for at least 24 hours.

We went to bed that night for the first time without him since he was conceived.  It was so hard not being able to bring him to our room after giving birth to him but I know it was for his benefit. Finally, on Thursday afternoon, they wheeled him into our room.  That moment was almost as emotional as his birth.  We were so ready to have him with us!

Russ and his sister Leigh Ann showing Rivers to Lucy since he couldn't leave the nursery.

Soon after Rivers got to come to the room, Lucy came to visit.  We gave her a book about being a big sister and a tea pot.  She noticed Rivers and loved on him some but the majority of her time was spent running around the room touching everything she could. We could not wait to go home the next day and be a family of four!

Rivers is Here- Part 3

My epidural had worn off some.  I was feeling every contraction but still being guided by Melinda on when to push.  My nurse told me I would be probably be pushing for at least an hour and a half.  After pushing 5 minutes I knew this was going to be difficult. Not to mention the vomiting I was doing! Poor Russ held the pan and would empty it each time.  I have never been that sick.  I think it was just a combination of the drugs, the epidural, and the intense heartburn I was having.  I vomited from that point on and was even still going once we got our alone time with Rivers. I was feeling a little sorry for myself until she told me the vomiting was pushing him down more than my pushes were doing.  I truly believe that is how Rivers came out so quick.  At some point, my body took over and I was so determined to get him out.  I could feel the contractions, therefore I knew when I needed to push.  About 35 minutes later, he was almost ready to make his debut.  As I am pushing, in walks Bernese, the lady who had told me that morning that I would still be there when she came back on shift.  Unfortunately, she was correct but having her in the room was a trip!  She had someone take her place in a c-section just so she could be there with me.  She cheered me on as Dr. Young did his thing.  A few minutes later, our sweet precious gift was laid on my chest.  Russ leaned down and whispered how much he loved us and we sat staring at him, with tears in our eyes.  Rivers was so wide-eyed and taking in the sights and sounds of his new home. We were allowed over an hour to spend with him. I held him in my arms, skin-to-skin, and let him get comfortable with his mommy. He tried to nurse but mostly just stared at our faces. I could tell he recognized our voices. Of course, sweet Russ was still holding the pan for me as I constantly got sick.  But it didn't matter.  Our sweet boy was here. At around 1:45 am, our family who had been waiting ALL DAY got to meet him.  They were in love as much as we were.

Dr. Young and Rivers

Melinda - who stayed until 3 AM (should have gotten off at 7 pm) to help me deliver.

William Rivers Polsgrove

December 14, 2011  12:35 am     7 pounds 12 ounces     20 inches

On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, RIVERS of living water will flow from within them.  -  John 7:37-38

Rivers is Here- Part 2

We arrived at the hospital around 5 am.  Such a strange feeling leaving our house as a family of three, coming home a family of four.  Once we got settled into the room, this vivacious lady named Bernese came into the room to get things ready for the baby.  She said she was about to get off but would be back at 11:00 that night and would probably see me then. She said she hoped I still wouldn't be lying in the bed but she had a feeling I would be.  I told her there was no way it would take that long!

As they were getting my IV ready and preparing everything, I opened my Bible.  I was a little nervous and just needed some comforting.  I had taken my grandfather's bible to use.  He passed away 2 years ago and I just wanted a little piece of him to be with me that day.  As I opened his bible I thought I would read the verse that God had used to confirm that our son's name would be Rivers.  We had liked the name but I wanted it to be more than that.  I wanted it to be God ordained.  God had shown a verse in John to both me and Russ at different times- just what we needed to know for sure. As I began to open the bible, I could not remember what chapter or verse. I looked down at the page in John that I had opened to and there it was- highlighted by my grandfather.  He even had handwritten notes beside the verse. Just another confirmation that God had Rivers birth (and name) planned so long ago.  I was missing my grandaddy that day and that just helped me to feel like he was a part of the day.

To start off, they gave me a pill that would hopefully help put me into active labor.  I was still only 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced.  I asked my nurse, soon to be best friend, if I could walk around the room to try and help move the process along.  After 4-5 hours of this, I was still only at 3 cm.  Around 10 am, they started me on pitocin. I knew once they started me on this, I would most likely have to stay in the bed. Hour after hour my sweet nurse and doctor would come into the room.  There was no change each time. They would up my dose of pitocin each time.  Still no change.  At one point I was on the highest level of pitocin my doctor would allow.   I was having contractions, and they were hurting, but they were not unbearable and were not causing me to progress. Dr. Young kept saying, "I want to walk in here and NOT see you smiling.  I want to see you barely being able to breathe. Then we will know the contractions are doing something!"  I labored all day.  Normally, you progress 1 cm- 1 1/2 cm per hour.  At this point I had been in labor all day and barely progressed.

My goal the entire time was to get to 5 cm without an epidural.  Once I was at 5, then I would make a decision about what to do.   I had finally gotten to 4 cm but just could not progress beyond that.  By this time it was evening.  I was frustrated and tired.  The contractions were hurting and I was losing my strength- mentally and physically.  I had visitors in and out but by now I just needed to be alone.  Laboring and talking at the same time just wasn't working any more.  I still held off on the epidural....I was hurting but it was not unbearable yet.

My precious nurse came in to check me and I was still at 4 cm.  She felt like maybe I needed to get a new bag of pitocin- one with a different batch number.  She had a patient one time whose labor was similar to mine. She thought to try a new bag of pitocin and when she did, the woman progressed quickly.  She thought it was worth a shot.

She hung the new bag of pitocin and IMMEDIATELY my contractions were different!!  I was no longer smiling - it was game time!  After laboring for a bit, she checked me and I just knew I was at 5 cm.  When she checked, she said she would call me a 4 1/2 but others might would call it a 5.  I knew then that it was time to get the epidural.  The contractions were back to back and I knew if I had to labor for a long time I would rather have the epidural.  About an hour later, I got the epidural and all I have to say is WOW. I was so excited- I just knew I would progress quickly and he would be here soon!!

Every hour or so they would check and I was still at 5 cm.  By this time, I was receiving texts and calls from friends asking what was going on.  At around 11 pm, Dr. Young came in to give me the talk.  He knew how much I wanted to have Rivers vaginally so he was so precious about the way he talked to me BUT he was honest about what type of labor I was in.  He told me I was not in a normal labor pattern.  I mean- I progressed 2 cm in 9 HOURS.  At this point he said I could labor all night if I wanted and we would see what would happen.  He was not going to guarantee that I would progress any more but he was willing to give me the chance. He also gave me the option of having a c-section that night or the next day if nothing happened.  Right now the decision was up to me, as long as Rivers and I were both doing well. Rivers looked great and I was doing good except my blood pressure was elevated but not to a point that he felt was dangerous.  Dr. Young left the room to go perform a c-section and said he would come back afterwards to check me and see if I had made any decisions.  Once he left, I fell apart.  Not sure why- probably exhaustion but suddenly I could not think rationally.  The spirit of fear was upon me and I could not shake it.  I began to have thoughts about me dying if I chose to have a c-section.  But then I would have the thought that something would happen to Rivers if I chose to try and keep laboring.  I have no idea why but suddenly I was hysterical and fearful.  I began to worry about the recovery process if I had a c-section.  How would Lucy handle me not being able to pick her up for so long? I mean- I had a 17 month old at home.  I couldn't be out of commission for so long. Russ began to tell me that neither decision was wrong.  Either one would be the right decision. We just wanted Rivers here and safe.  After a good, long cry I settled down.  I asked God to show us the way and to remove all fear.

About that time my sweet nurse Melinda came in and said she would check me before Dr. Young came back.  You could tell everyone thought I would have to have a c-section.  But she was still hoping with me that I had progressed.  It was around 11:30 pm now. She checked me and said, "You are at 9!"  I told her to quit lying to me- that that was mean. She was like- seriously, I would not be joking with you right now.  I could not believe it!  Within 10 minutes or so she had me pushing!  All of our family were still camped out in the waiting room- where they had been all day.  We sent them a text to let them know they would be meeting sweet Rivers soon.

 Aunt Kathy and Meme

 Nana and T

 Kissing baby brother 1 last time!

Coco

 Meme and Kathy

 La La, Nana, and T

Poppy

Thanks to my grandmother and aunt - Granny and Susu - for keeping Lucy all day :)

Instantly Changed

1 year ago today we were in Ethiopia meeting Lucy for the first time.  Our hearts raced as we traveled to the foster care center to see her.  We had dreamed and prayed for her for so long and that day, we were actually going see her in person.  As we entered the gates, we were greeted with a sea of babies sunbathing.  I looked around, trying to get a glimpse but couldn't seem to find her.  It was then that I heard Russ say that he thought we had just passed her.  I turned around and this is what we saw.

We spent 2 weeks visiting her but then had to return home just the two of us.  Our hearts were broken and to this day leaving her is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  We left not knowing how long it would be before we would return to bring her home.  As we boarded the plane home, we saw two different families who were bringing their children home.  I will never forget Russ comforting me as I stared out of the plane window, tears streaming down my face, heartbroken from having to leave our precious daughter.  I could not wait to have her home and have her call me Mommy. It was six long months before we were able to travel back to pick her up. 

Lucy has now been home six months.  And while she has been saying the word mama for several months now, it is just recently that I feel she truly understands what the word mommy means.  Tonight as I put her to bed, we shared laughs, kisses and hugs, but most of all we shared an understanding.  As she was laying in her crib and I was about to walk out, she pointed to me and said "Mama." Again, she has been saying this word for a while...but she used to say it the same way as she would say hey and shoe.  But tonight, as I reminisced about seeing her for the first time, I could tell she knows that I am forever.  Praise the Lord for the healing and redemption that He has done and will do in all of our lives. Lucy is a true blessing in our lives and I am daily amazed and thankful for all God is doing in and through her life.  Russ and I are truly privileged to be her mama and daddy.

William Rivers Polsgrove Is Here!

I cannot believe that it has been two weeks since Rivers was born. I want to document our birth story so this seems like the place to do it.  SO, if you don't want to read about giving birth or hear terms such as dilated and effaced...then you might want to skip this post :)

On Monday, December 12th, I went for my weekly doctor's visit.  I was a little over 40 weeks pregnant and just knew that Dr. Young would tell me I was close to being in labor. Instead, I was still only 1 cm dilated and my blood pressure was high.  He recommended that we induce since each week my blood pressure had only gotten worse.  I debated and debated.  I called Russ from his office and we discussed this option.  I had said from the beginning that I didn't want to be induced unless it was medically necessary.  Well, my doctor strongly recommended we induce but also said he would give me the option of going a little longer as long as I got some testing done and came back in two days for him to check me.  So I sort of had the option which made it harder to decide.  But, I finally felt like I needed to trust him and his judgement so we would induce the next morning, December 13th. I came home from the doctor's appointment, packed our bags and spent the night with Lucy and Russ. Oh, and I cried all night.  I was so excited about meeting Rivers but so sad about leaving Lucy and life being different once we returned.  After all, she had only been home 5 months.  I snuggled with her as I rocked her to sleep and thanked God for her being a part of our family and prayed that she would respond well to Rivers.

Once she was asleep, Russ and I went into their room and prayed over both our children, the birth, and thanked Him for the adventure that 2011 has been.  Oh, and I cried some more. I truly think everything just hit me all at once - the long wait for Lucy, the trip to Ethiopia and having to leave her there, finding out we were pregnant, traveling to Ethiopia again, bringing Lucy home, the tough transition that followed, how far she has come, her first Christmas home, and now getting to meet our sweet son.  I experienced every emotion possible that night.

We then went to bed for the last night as a family of three....a journey that lasted only five months.  It was now time to become a family of four and we could not be more excited! I slept a total of about 2-3 hours.  We woke at 4 am to head to the hospital.  Here is our last picture before heading out.  We were so excited and so READY to meet our sweet boy.

....to be continued.

Our Daughter in One Image

This is what our life is like now. And we wouldn't have it any other way.

The Wheelbarrow and the Backpack

My phone rang on a Saturday. I rarely answer the phone. It's not a noble trait, but it's become a bad habit. When I looked at the caller ID, I saw my friend Will's name and sighed. Out of all the people to call me, he's the one person I didn't want to talk to.

Will is another pastor at the church I work at, and his wife was pregnant. Very pregnant. He was scheduled to preach the next morning, and our Senior Pastor was out of town. I knew if he was calling me they were in labor and I was going to have to preach the next morning. I knew the text he was preaching on. It was Matthew 6. You might know it, "do not worry about your life, etc. etc." 

The reason I didn't want to pick up is because I feared having to talk about worry, particularly not worrying, when my life has been consumed with worry lately. I just didn't want to do it. I felt the hypocrisy dripping from me just thinking about it.

It turns out, she wasn't in labor. He preached, and we all were spared. But that night, this metaphor came to me, and I feel like I would have used it if I needed to. Since then, I've been thinking about this more and more.

Jesus tells us not to worry in Matthew 6, and what he's really telling us is our stress and anxiety about the issues in our life are easily handled when they're in his hands. I kept imagining a giant wheelbarrow and a backpack. When we give our anxiety and worry and stress to God, it's like putting it in a wheelbarrow, the wheelbarrow does all the work. When we hang onto it, we're putting it on our back. We carry all the weight. We're essentially saying, "I got this, it's mine."

So whenever I've been worried or anxious or scared lately, I always remind myself it's because I'm putting those cares on my back instead of giving them away to a God who really can do all the work. And somehow, that's been really comforting.

33 Weeks

I cannot believe that we are at 33 weeks!!  William "Rivers" Polsgrove will be here before we know it!!!  We graduated from birthing class so I guess we can officially birth a baby now.  Life is crazy at the Polsgrove house.  We thought we had sold our house but it fell through so it is back on the market.  Since we are still in our house we are starting to get things ready for Rivers and Lucy to share a room.  His official due date is December 11th BUT he is measuring 2 1/2 weeks ahead and is large so we will see when he wants to make his arrival.  Lucy doesn't quite comprehend getting a baby brother but she will come up and give my tummy a kiss when we talk about him.  We shall see who will rock the other one's world more ;)  Here is a pic of my growing belly....at about 30 weeks. 

We are so thankful for these two precious children.  Yes, life is crazy and hectic but we are enjoying it so much!  Even though they will be about 18 months apart it definitely feels somewhat like twins.  Can't wait to meet our sweet precious baby boy.  It won't be too long.  And yes that sentence totally freaks me out but we are oh so excited!