Rivers is Here- Part 2

We arrived at the hospital around 5 am.  Such a strange feeling leaving our house as a family of three, coming home a family of four.  Once we got settled into the room, this vivacious lady named Bernese came into the room to get things ready for the baby.  She said she was about to get off but would be back at 11:00 that night and would probably see me then. She said she hoped I still wouldn't be lying in the bed but she had a feeling I would be.  I told her there was no way it would take that long!

As they were getting my IV ready and preparing everything, I opened my Bible.  I was a little nervous and just needed some comforting.  I had taken my grandfather's bible to use.  He passed away 2 years ago and I just wanted a little piece of him to be with me that day.  As I opened his bible I thought I would read the verse that God had used to confirm that our son's name would be Rivers.  We had liked the name but I wanted it to be more than that.  I wanted it to be God ordained.  God had shown a verse in John to both me and Russ at different times- just what we needed to know for sure. As I began to open the bible, I could not remember what chapter or verse. I looked down at the page in John that I had opened to and there it was- highlighted by my grandfather.  He even had handwritten notes beside the verse. Just another confirmation that God had Rivers birth (and name) planned so long ago.  I was missing my grandaddy that day and that just helped me to feel like he was a part of the day.

To start off, they gave me a pill that would hopefully help put me into active labor.  I was still only 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced.  I asked my nurse, soon to be best friend, if I could walk around the room to try and help move the process along.  After 4-5 hours of this, I was still only at 3 cm.  Around 10 am, they started me on pitocin. I knew once they started me on this, I would most likely have to stay in the bed. Hour after hour my sweet nurse and doctor would come into the room.  There was no change each time. They would up my dose of pitocin each time.  Still no change.  At one point I was on the highest level of pitocin my doctor would allow.   I was having contractions, and they were hurting, but they were not unbearable and were not causing me to progress. Dr. Young kept saying, "I want to walk in here and NOT see you smiling.  I want to see you barely being able to breathe. Then we will know the contractions are doing something!"  I labored all day.  Normally, you progress 1 cm- 1 1/2 cm per hour.  At this point I had been in labor all day and barely progressed.

My goal the entire time was to get to 5 cm without an epidural.  Once I was at 5, then I would make a decision about what to do.   I had finally gotten to 4 cm but just could not progress beyond that.  By this time it was evening.  I was frustrated and tired.  The contractions were hurting and I was losing my strength- mentally and physically.  I had visitors in and out but by now I just needed to be alone.  Laboring and talking at the same time just wasn't working any more.  I still held off on the epidural....I was hurting but it was not unbearable yet.

My precious nurse came in to check me and I was still at 4 cm.  She felt like maybe I needed to get a new bag of pitocin- one with a different batch number.  She had a patient one time whose labor was similar to mine. She thought to try a new bag of pitocin and when she did, the woman progressed quickly.  She thought it was worth a shot.

She hung the new bag of pitocin and IMMEDIATELY my contractions were different!!  I was no longer smiling - it was game time!  After laboring for a bit, she checked me and I just knew I was at 5 cm.  When she checked, she said she would call me a 4 1/2 but others might would call it a 5.  I knew then that it was time to get the epidural.  The contractions were back to back and I knew if I had to labor for a long time I would rather have the epidural.  About an hour later, I got the epidural and all I have to say is WOW. I was so excited- I just knew I would progress quickly and he would be here soon!!

Every hour or so they would check and I was still at 5 cm.  By this time, I was receiving texts and calls from friends asking what was going on.  At around 11 pm, Dr. Young came in to give me the talk.  He knew how much I wanted to have Rivers vaginally so he was so precious about the way he talked to me BUT he was honest about what type of labor I was in.  He told me I was not in a normal labor pattern.  I mean- I progressed 2 cm in 9 HOURS.  At this point he said I could labor all night if I wanted and we would see what would happen.  He was not going to guarantee that I would progress any more but he was willing to give me the chance. He also gave me the option of having a c-section that night or the next day if nothing happened.  Right now the decision was up to me, as long as Rivers and I were both doing well. Rivers looked great and I was doing good except my blood pressure was elevated but not to a point that he felt was dangerous.  Dr. Young left the room to go perform a c-section and said he would come back afterwards to check me and see if I had made any decisions.  Once he left, I fell apart.  Not sure why- probably exhaustion but suddenly I could not think rationally.  The spirit of fear was upon me and I could not shake it.  I began to have thoughts about me dying if I chose to have a c-section.  But then I would have the thought that something would happen to Rivers if I chose to try and keep laboring.  I have no idea why but suddenly I was hysterical and fearful.  I began to worry about the recovery process if I had a c-section.  How would Lucy handle me not being able to pick her up for so long? I mean- I had a 17 month old at home.  I couldn't be out of commission for so long. Russ began to tell me that neither decision was wrong.  Either one would be the right decision. We just wanted Rivers here and safe.  After a good, long cry I settled down.  I asked God to show us the way and to remove all fear.

About that time my sweet nurse Melinda came in and said she would check me before Dr. Young came back.  You could tell everyone thought I would have to have a c-section.  But she was still hoping with me that I had progressed.  It was around 11:30 pm now. She checked me and said, "You are at 9!"  I told her to quit lying to me- that that was mean. She was like- seriously, I would not be joking with you right now.  I could not believe it!  Within 10 minutes or so she had me pushing!  All of our family was still camped out in the waiting room- where they had been all day.  We sent them the text to let them know they would be meeting sweet Rivers soon.

 Aunt Kathy and Meme

 Nana and T

 Kissing baby brother 1 last time!

Coco

Instantly Changed

1 year ago today we were in Ethiopia meeting Lucy for the first time.  Our hearts raced as we traveled to the foster care center to see her.  We had dreamed and prayed for her for so long and that day, we were actually going see her in person.  As we entered the gates, we were greeted with a sea of babies sunbathing.  I looked around, trying to get a glimpse but couldn't seem to find her.  It was then that I heard Russ say that he thought we had just passed her.  I turned around and this is what we saw.

We spent 2 weeks visiting her but then had to return home just the two of us.  Our hearts were broken and to this day leaving her is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  We left not knowing how long it would be before we would return to bring her home.  As we boarded the plane home, we saw two different families who were bringing their children home.  I will never forget Russ comforting me as I stared out of the plane window, tears streaming down my face, heartbroken from having to leave our precious daughter.  I could not wait to have her home and have her call me Mommy. It was six long months before we were able to travel back to pick her up. 

Lucy has now been home six months.  And while she has been saying the word mama for several months now, it is just recently that I feel she truly understands what the word mommy means.  Tonight as I put her to bed, we shared laughs, kisses and hugs, but most of all we shared an understanding.  As she was laying in her crib and I was about to walk out, she pointed to me and said "Mama." Again, she has been saying this word for a while...but she used to say it the same way as she would say hey and shoe.  But tonight, as I reminisced about seeing her for the first time, I could tell she knows that I am forever.  Praise the Lord for the healing and redemption that He has done and will do in all of our lives. Lucy is a true blessing in our lives and I am daily amazed and thankful for all God is doing in and through her life.  Russ and I are truly privileged to be her mama and daddy.

William Rivers Polsgrove Is Here!

I cannot believe that it has been two weeks since Rivers was born. I want to document our birth story so this seems like the place to do it.  SO, if you don't want to read about giving birth or hear terms such as dilated and effaced...then you might want to skip this post :)

On Monday, December 12th, I went for my weekly doctor's visit.  I was a little over 40 weeks pregnant and just knew that Dr. Young would tell me I was close to being in labor. Instead, I was still only 1 cm dilated and my blood pressure was high.  He recommended that we induce since each week my blood pressure had only gotten worse.  I debated and debated.  I called Russ from his office and we discussed this option.  I had said from the beginning that I didn't want to be induced unless it was medically necessary.  Well, my doctor strongly recommended we induce but also said he would give me the option of going a little longer as long as I got some testing done and came back in two days for him to check me.  So I sort of had the option which made it harder to decide.  But, I finally felt like I needed to trust him and his judgement so we would induce the next morning, December 13th. I came home from the doctor's appointment, packed our bags and spent the night with Lucy and Russ. Oh, and I cried all night.  I was so excited about meeting Rivers but so sad about leaving Lucy and life being different once we returned.  After all, she had only been home 5 months.  I snuggled with her as I rocked her to sleep and thanked God for her being a part of our family and prayed that she would respond well to Rivers.

Once she was asleep, Russ and I went into their room and prayed over both our children, the birth, and thanked Him for the adventure that 2011 has been.  Oh, and I cried some more. I truly think everything just hit me all at once - the long wait for Lucy, the trip to Ethiopia and having to leave her there, finding out we were pregnant, traveling to Ethiopia again, bringing Lucy home, the tough transition that followed, how far she has come, her first Christmas home, and now getting to meet our sweet son.  I experienced every emotion possible that night.

We then went to bed for the last night as a family of three....a journey that lasted only five months.  It was now time to become a family of four and we could not be more excited! I slept a total of about 2-3 hours.  We woke at 4 am to head to the hospital.  Here is our last picture before heading out.  We were so excited and so READY to meet our sweet boy.

....to be continued.

Our Daughter in One Image

This is what our life is like now. And we wouldn't have it any other way.

The Wheelbarrow and the Backpack

My phone rang on a Saturday. I rarely answer the phone. It's not a noble trait, but it's become a bad habit. When I looked at the caller ID, I saw my friend Will's name and sighed. Out of all the people to call me, he's the one person I didn't want to talk to.

Will is another pastor at the church I work at, and his wife was pregnant. Very pregnant. He was scheduled to preach the next morning, and our Senior Pastor was out of town. I knew if he was calling me they were in labor and I was going to have to preach the next morning. I knew the text he was preaching on. It was Matthew 6. You might know it, "do not worry about your life, etc. etc." 

The reason I didn't want to pick up is because I feared having to talk about worry, particularly not worrying, when my life has been consumed with worry lately. I just didn't want to do it. I felt the hypocrisy dripping from me just thinking about it.

It turns out, she wasn't in labor. He preached, and we all were spared. But that night, this metaphor came to me, and I feel like I would have used it if I needed to. Since then, I've been thinking about this more and more.

Jesus tells us not to worry in Matthew 6, and what he's really telling us is our stress and anxiety about the issues in our life are easily handled when they're in his hands. I kept imagining a giant wheelbarrow and a backpack. When we give our anxiety and worry and stress to God, it's like putting it in a wheelbarrow, the wheelbarrow does all the work. When we hang onto it, we're putting it on our back. We carry all the weight. We're essentially saying, "I got this, it's mine."

So whenever I've been worried or anxious or scared lately, I always remind myself it's because I'm putting those cares on my back instead of giving them away to a God who really can do all the work. And somehow, that's been really comforting.

33 Weeks

I cannot believe that we are at 33 weeks!!  William "Rivers" Polsgrove will be here before we know it!!!  We graduated from birthing class so I guess we can officially birth a baby now.  Life is crazy at the Polsgrove house.  We thought we had sold our house but it fell through so it is back on the market.  Since we are still in our house we are starting to get things ready for Rivers and Lucy to share a room.  His official due date is December 11th BUT he is measuring 2 1/2 weeks ahead and is large so we will see when he wants to make his arrival.  Lucy doesn't quite comprehend getting a baby brother but she will come up and give my tummy a kiss when we talk about him.  We shall see who will rock the other one's world more ;)  Here is a pic of my growing belly....at about 30 weeks. 

We are so thankful for these two precious children.  Yes, life is crazy and hectic but we are enjoying it so much!  Even though they will be about 18 months apart it definitely feels somewhat like twins.  Can't wait to meet our sweet precious baby boy.  It won't be too long.  And yes that sentence totally freaks me out but we are oh so excited!

1 year ago

One year ago today we received the first picture of our Lucy.  We had waited and prayed .....and waited and prayed some more for the day that we would see her face for the first time.  You can read more about the day HERE but basically, I was in Old Navy when we received the call.  I hurried home to surprise Russ with the news.  We called our case worker back once we were together in front of the computer and waited for the email to come through.  I remember how LONG it felt like it was taking for the email to come through.  When it did, this was the first picture we saw of our precious 3-month old tiny (and I do mean TINY) little girl. 

We immediately went to share the good news with our family.  So fun to just show up on their doorsteps with a picture of her!

We then waited a little over four months until we were able to travel to meet her .  As we entered the foster home, I snapped a picture right at the moment we saw her...one that we had waited so long for.

We then had to leave and were not able to return to Ethiopia for 6 LONG, HARD months (for a total of 10 months from referral).  But at last, the time had come and we traveled to bring this angel home.
We have been home for  7 weeks.  I really am going to blog some about our transition...I know...I know...I keep saying that....but I really am!! 

She is amazing and we are so blessed to be her parents.  Her eyes and smile captivate all who come in contact with her.  She truly embodies what the name Lucy means, "bringer of light."

Spinning Out of Control. Or Not.

Last night we attended our first birthing class. In the revelry of bringing the little girl home, there are times when we forget something. "Oh yeah, there's another one on the way." We don't actually forget of course. We are reminded every day. But we've been so consumed with the day to day of our new reality, it's hard to imagine that this isn't going to be our reality for long. This is like a briefing. A preparation. It's a soft launch. A pre-grand opening. When we finally become ok with the fact that we don't know what we're doing, we're going to get another reminder that we don't know what we're doing. This is scary.

The birthing class instructor started to go through early labor signs, what to pack to the hospital, and technical terms that would make my 15 year old self snicker(ok, my 33 year old self laughed too). Anna and I repeatedly looked at each other with a smirky "what are we doing" look. It was comforting to look around at the four other couples in the room that gave each other that same look. We don't know what we're doing. This is scary.

At times, this realization is more than I can bear. If I dwell on it, I'm going to go insane.

Then I come home in the afternoon. I look at the little girls laughing face, and it's wonderful. Even if she's whiney or fussy or upset, it still makes my day. As a culture we are so caught up in the present moment. We forget the roads we took to get where we are. It took us two years to get Lucy home. No matter how tiring or scary it is, bringing her home was one of the grandest moments of my life, and when they brought her to me for the first time, nothing else in the world mattered. When Anna first showed me a positive pregnancy test, nothing else mattered. It was one of the grandest moments of my life.

Yes it's scary. We have to figure out finances. Are we going to buy and sell homes? Is he going to be healthy? How will Lucy respond to being a big sister after such a short adjustment period to the US? Will we ever sleep again? These are all questions we have, and they're not easy to answer. When these questions arise, I'm often reminded of something my dad always told me. Nothing worth doing is easy. This is conventional wisdom, an old wise saying, and it's truth rings deeper than ever before. All the pivotal moments of life involve leaps of faith. Every grand moment in my life started out with me saying these words.

"I don't know what I'm doing. This is scary."

So bring it on.

Russ

A New Reality

Thursday will mark four weeks since we got home with the little girl Polsgrove. A month. It's cliché to say that it's been a whirlwind and we don't know where the time has gone, but sometimes statements are cliché because there are mountains of truth to them. For the first week, we were just trying to survive, and in many ways we still are. The second week we were dealing with a nasty stomach virus. Now it's not so chaotic, not so stressful. At least it's calmed down for me. I've gone back to work and reconvened a regular weekly schedule. Only now when I come home there's two people I'm looking forward to seeing rather than just one. I know it's different for Anna. She doesn't go back to work for a few weeks, and she is pregnant with our second child. I'm sure this makes the job of being a mother much harder because she is uber tired but she's doing a great job. One thing that has helped both of us is Lucy started sleeping through the night last week, and ithat's been a huge help. It's nice for us to sleep a little bit.

Before we brought Lucy home, there were two things I hated. First, I got tired of people telling me how different my life was going to be. Not because I didn't believe it was true, but because I hated the connotation that always came with it. Mostly we heard "do everything you want to do now, because once that kid comes home it's OVER". Although most people weren't trying to scare us, it was usually no fun hearing from people in that way. Our lives have changed, this is true. But we've made a priority out of trying to do the things we used to do. We've been to movies, created space for each other to go read and relax. It's more difficult to get away, but we prioritize our time away more because we realize how precious it is. And also it allows us to prioritize the time we get to spend with Lucy as well. Once the initial bonding process is over and we start having babysitters, I can't wait to go out with my wife again too. Yes our lives have changed, but it's been for the better. It's harder for us to do the things we used to, but we're still fundamentally the same people. I hope that never changes, even if our schedule is different.

The second thing I hated was when people relentlessly flooded the internet with pictures of their kids. Their Facebook profiles are their kids pictures. You get email updates every day. Blogs are filled with pictures. It bothered me so much. It seemed pretentious and self-absorbed. Now i know why those people do it. It's almost impossible not to. When you have an addition to your family, and you have other people who want to be a part of that, you can't help but be absorbed in the brand new moments. Asking a new parent to cool it with all the pics is like asking a 16 year old to stop showing off their driver's license. It's like telling a newly engaged woman to stop showing off her ring. It's such a life changing experience there's no way not to be proud.

Our lives have dramatically changed, so you will pardon me an indulgence for a little while. It'll eventually cool off, I promise.



As you can tell, she likes the swing.



She wore this headband for approximately 4.7 seconds before ripping it off.

Russ

Together at last!

We have been home for one week and are doing great! Every day is full of surprises and not all days have been easy but we are so thankful to be on this journey. Here are a few pictures from our first day in Ethiopia.

After sitting on a plane in Chicago for 2 hours, running through the Istanbul airport, almost missing our plane to Addis, we finally arrived around 1 am that Saturday morning. We then found out that two of our four pieces of luggage did not make it (one made it the night we left to come home, one just came to our house today--TWO WEEKS from when it should have arrived in Ethiopia- thanks Turkish Airlines!). Our friend and driver Yoftahe dropped us off at the guesthouse. We unpacked, got everything settled, and finally went to bed around 3:30 am.




Last night with an empty crib in our room

We woke that morning and called Belay about taking placement. He said he would bring her after lunch. We knew that could be 1 pm or 7 pm. Around 2 pm I decided to lay down and take a nap. As soon as I closed my eyes, I heard Russ saying, "They're here!" We both jumped up and ran outside as they pulled up. We could see her in the backseat, drinking a bottle, with a precious bonnet on. We walked around to the passenger side and there she was...just a smiling. As I took her from the caregiver, I was so nervous of how she would react. She was a little cautious but quickly began smiling and laughing.





We spent the afternoon playing. She showed off her tricks and loved showing us how she could walk (just a few steps without our help).





We ended the day by giving her a bath (she was very unsure of this...but has come to LOVE the water) and then bed. Loved having her fall asleep in my arms!






The day began with an empty crib and ended by us putting OUR DAUGHTER to bed in it. We could not believe that after all this time she was with us to stay!

It has been quite a whirlwind since that day two weeks ago. We have so much to share about her, life, adoption, etc. but we are all still adjusting to our new life. I will say there have been difficult parts of the past two weeks (for her and us) but we are so thankful for God's continued faithfulness. We are exhausted but so in love and are truly amazed by this little ball of energy. We are so lucky to get to be a part of her life. Can't wait to share more!