Thursday, December 24, 2009

Dark to light

I have said this many times but adoption is hard. The ups and downs.  The getting your heart and mind excited because everything is going well (and quick) and then having to hold back because you experience a tough time of waiting.  It is extremely emotional...something you can't quite explain.  I have never experienced so many emotions all at one time.

We are still waiting for our CIS paperwork to come back.  Right now the current wait is around 60-90 days from the time your paperwork is turned in correctly.  Remember, this is the paperwork we must have to finish our dossier (in order to get on the waiting list).  We got a letter last week stating that we needed to correct something on our paperwork.  We will fix that, send it back in, and hopefully it will be correct.  

My heart broke last week when we found these two things out....that our paperwork was done wrong AND that the wait was so long.  Russ reminded me that there will be pauses in this process and that this is really our first one.  

It has been harder since we made the realization that she could be born (or about to be born).  Now, we don't know this because we do not have an actual child picked out but....we just feel it.  The waiting has been so much harder since we thought of this.  My heart aches for her and for her sweet mom in Ethiopia.  Something hard is going to happen to this mom and that makes me so sad.  Pray for her mom...that she would experience and know God's love. 

I think of the both of them daily.  I cry often and my heart physically aches some days.  But, I know God's plan is perfect.  His timing is perfect.  I do trust him completely in this.  I feel like I am walking in the dark right now but I know there isn't really a dark when you trust in Jesus.  Times of unknown but still there is light.  And the great part is that the two main characters of this story are sources of light: the "One" true light and little Lucy "bringer of light."

Psalm 139: 11-12

"If I say surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."

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