waiting

I have known of Jesus for a long time now. I would even go as far to say...I know Him well, or so I thought. For the last 2 months now, I have been on a journey of knowing Him better. I have known for a while now that my perceptions of Him were not accurate. While, we can never fully know and comprehend who Jesus is...my perceptions of Him have been off. There are people in my life and things that I have heard that have pushed me to see God as someone that likes to push me around and tell me what to do. I have also had this intense feeling of not being good enough. Now, while I must say--we will never be good enough...forcing myself to try and be good enough takes away the need for God sending Jesus and for His redeeming grace.

"Be still and know that I am God" has been a verse God has shown me for the last year. This year I feel like He is calling me to "be still and know Him." That's right--learn to know WHO He is instead of who I perceive Him to be in all of my insecurities.

I have tried to put into words the way that I feel sometimes. As I watched a beautiful sunset this week, the vision came to me. I am a bride at the alter waiting for my husband to show up. In this vision--my husband is Jesus. I wait anxiously, nervously, wondering if He will show up. Am I good enough, did I do everything right, am I beautiful enough, did I wear the right dress, did I say the right things? What if I am not.

Then the most beautiful words were spoken to me. "Anna, I will always show up. You will never be good enough but that's okay. Enter into this love relationship with me. Let me be the lover of your soul. I've covered all the bases..I sent Jesus."

And then...I opened up my Bible and this verse was there on the pages...in all His glory.

Hosea 2: 14- 16

"But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her form her captivity in Egypt. When that day comes, "says the Lord," you will cal me 'MY HUSBAND' instead of 'MY MASTER.'

So, this year, I long to continue on this road of seeing Jesus as a husband instead of a master. How freeing to take the pressure off of me and how good I am and place it on Him--the only one that is perfect and loves perfectly.

anna