I dream of Lucy

Adoption is hard.  I had heard that before but didn't realize how true it was until now.  My emotions are crazy.  Some days are totally fine and then others I cry for no reason. all. day. long.  Today is an emotional one.  I just looked at pictures of my friends with their babies for Halloween and for some reason it made me sad.  We have only been in the process for 3 months (almost) but she has been with us for over two years.

I sometimes leave the specifics of "Lucy's Story" out because I don't want people to think we are weird.  But, I am realizing all of these details are significant to her story because it shows just how amazing and big God is.

Tonight  I want to share the first time God showed us a part of His plan.

Russ and I were friends for almost two years before we dated.  During that time we would stay up late talking about everything imaginable (because we were just friends, right? ).  I remember us talking about how we both felt like we would adopt one day.  It was after this conversation that I am sure he went and watched sportscenter and I went home to plan the wedding because I just knew he HAD to be the one....

We were married in 2005.  When kids were discussed, we talked of adoption.  We fooled ourselves some days into thinking we would adopt later in life but most of the time we knew God had called us to adopt our first child.  Russ says most of his life he knew he would adopt his first child and that it would be a girl.

One night, in October 2006, I woke up from a dream.  In the dream I was holding a baby girl, wrapped in a white blanket.  I was gazing at her but could not see her face or what she looked like.  When I awoke I just knew that I was pregnant or that we should begin trying.

The next night I woke from the exact same dream...except this time I thought maybe we should adopt.  I woke Russ and told him the news. He agreed.

The third night, I woke up from the same dream and can still remember exactly how I felt.  I KNEW.  I have never longed for/missed something so much in my life.  My heart ached for her.  I woke up Russ and told him that I missed her.  The amazing thing was that he understood. He didn't ask questions like "but you haven't met her yet?"...he just got it.

It was that night that we realized God had a baby girl for us and that His plan was bigger than we could imagine.  I love that I couldn't see what she looked like....and to be honest, it didn't matter....I just knew she was mine.