Still Fighting

I continuously talk about this verse.

Psalm 46:10

"Be Still and Know that I am God."

It is written on the wall in our upstairs room. The room that allows me to "get alone." It is also on our daughter's nursery wall....

The adoption process is a hard one. I have struggled for the past 6 months it seems like. I struggled waiting on a referral. Then we got our referral and I was good (for like 1 week). Then I struggled again waiting on our court date. I felt like I had lost the "fight" in me.

You see, in our adoption, I have realized I need a good balance of fight and stillness. To me, the two contradict each other.

I have let my heart be in the process but then at times, left it out in the cold so that I could handle the process. I have engaged in the process yet at times pretended like it wasn't happening so I could handle it all.

But this past week...something happened. I found my "fight" and determination to continue on in the journey to our little girl. I had grown weary but have been renewed.

I also realized that I was focusing more on the first part of the verse. The key is in the second part. KNOW THAT I AM GOD.

I am trusting in that part. God is providing us with unbelievable peace right now....to which I am so thankful.

“I am sure God keeps no one waiting unless that is good for us to wait.”

- C.S. Lewis

Praying for a courtdate soon :)

Heart of Peace

I came across this in my journal....from January 9, 2010.

"If you want to hear God's voice clearly and you are uncertain, then remain in His presence until He changes this uncertainty. Often much can happen during this waiting on the Lord. Sometimes He changes pride into humility; doubt into faith and peace; sometimes lust into purity. The Lord can and will do it."

Corrie Ten Boom

Love how over this past year these have all been prayers of mine. I forgot that I had even read this quote.... LOVE how God reminds us that He is able and working when we need it most.

Believe

Just an update....we are STILL waiting on a courtdate.  We hope to get the call soon.  They say you usually get the call 4-6 weeks before travel.  Oh, I hope to hear soon.

Our sweet baby girl is 4 months old today...and is getting so strong and big!!! We have worn out the 3 videos that we got last week....seriously...we watch them 500 times a day.  Okay, well not 500 but close :)

We have finally started to work on her room...I'm a last minute kind of girl....but have really started to get some things done!! My family and friends should be proud!!!

Praying for our courtdate....I BELIEVE that God's timing in this will be just as He wants it.  My prayer last year was that she would be home by Christmas 2010.  Probably not going to happen.  I was in Hobby Lobby on the Christmas aisle several weeks before we received our referral.  I had a slight melt-down..which involved me talking to myself..telling myself to pull it together....but I just couldn't.  I looked up and there was a Christmas ornament with the word BELIEVE on it.  The past two years....that is the word that God had whispered in my ear.  And there it was again. On a Christmas ornament which happened to have a big pink and white polka-dot bow on top.  I bought that ornament that day....as a reminder.  God is who He says He is and He is good.  I believe that.

So, I would LOVE a court date tomorrow....and believe we could get one tomorrow.  But, if we don't I still know that we are all under his wings.

Psalm 91:1- 16

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
       will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. ^[a]

 ² I will say ^[b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
       my God, in whom I trust."

 ³ Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
       and from the deadly pestilence.

 ⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
       and under his wings you will find refuge;
       his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

 ⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
       nor the arrow that flies by day,

 ⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
       nor the plague that destroys at midday.

 ⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
       ten thousand at your right hand,
       but it will not come near you.

 ⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
       and see the punishment of the wicked.

 ⁹ If you make the Most High your dwelling—
       even the LORD, who is my refuge-

 ¹⁰ then no harm will befall you,
       no disaster will come near your tent.

 ¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
       to guard you in all your ways;

 ¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
       so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

 ¹³ You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
       you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

 ¹⁴ "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
       I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

 ¹⁵ He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
       I will be with him in trouble,
       I will deliver him and honor him.

 ¹⁶ With long life will I satisfy him
       and show him my salvation."

The Best Day Ever

Two sweet women were traveling to Ethiopia to go to court for their children.  I emailed them both and asked them to take pictures of our sweet baby girl.  I even sent a package for one of them to take to her.  They both emailed us LOTS of pictures of her and even VIDEO.  She had the hiccups in the video and oh. my. word.  it was the cutest thing I had ever seen.  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry as I watched.  This is real.  She is real.  God is more real than ever.

How crazy is that??? A picture of us is with her now!!!!
Thanks Renae and Brenda!!!!

Referral Day!!!

Here are a few pics from our referral day.  Some of the ones of us seeing her picture we can't post..since it shows her face :(

My mom and aunt (and brother's legs)...LOVE their faces!

My Dad and I

We didn't get to Russ' parents until 10:30 that night.  We actually woke them up to show them her sweet face.  This is Mrs. Birdie's surprised face :)

Again, we literally got them out of the bed!!

Russ skyped with his sister to see her reaction.  Such a sweet time.

We had the best time showing people her face in person.  It has been 3 weeks since we first saw her picture....CANNOT wait to get an update on her.  Gladney says you get one twice a month so it should be anyday.  Praying it will be TODAY!!  We are also still waiting for a court date....praying it would be soon as well ;)

Together For Adoption

Russ and I will be heading to Austin, TX for the Together for Adoption Conference!  We are so excited!!!!  Please email me (annapolsgrove@gmail.com) and let me know if you will be there...maybe we can meet up!

Can't wait to share all we learn and experience :)

Old Navy will forever be a part of my life.

 Last week I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Strep Throat.  He came to visit and slightly overstayed his visit.  Because of his visit, I also had to meet Mrs. Steroid S. Hot.  Our time together lasted all week....and amazingly did not involve any sleep.

Tuesday I was home alone and SAD. I was not having fun with my company and just wanted a referral.  I began to think about Lucy and her future and our future with kids.  I felt the overwhelming need to go into her room (which is FULL of junk), get on my knees, and pray for our futures.  I prayed against my need to think I know what is best for her life....against the need to feel like I am in control... and that I would realize she is first and foremost God's child and I must trust her to Him.  It then hit me that if I believe that and pray for that for the future then I must believe He knows every day of her life...even if I don't what is going on with her now.  It is amazing how many times God has to teach me the same lessons.  I left her room with a sense of peace....thankful that God is all-knowing and I am not.

On Thursday, I decided to try and go to work for the day.  After a couple of hours my boss/great friend called in a panic.  She was overwhelmed and just needed to vent. They (as in her and her husband and their FIVE children) were leaving for Boston that afternoon and life was just overwhelming.  I listened and finally told her I was coming over to help.  After many attempts to try and get me not to, she finally agreed to let me come.

Such a God moment.  When I got to her house...we sat and talked about our China trip we went on two years ago, family, sin, God, life.  FOR. TWO. HOURS.  We prayed, cried, breathed.  Just what I needed.  After lunch we finally started working.  Around 3 pm she told me she was going to Wal-mart and Old Navy to get items for their trip.  I told her my energy was sinking (due to my unwanted guest...Mr. Strep Throat) and to let me go for her.  I called Russ on the way and told him I would be home in an hour or so.  

I wandered through Wal-mart....no shorts for her son so I ran to Old Navy.  No shorts.  I was walking through the store...ILL....TIRED....and my phone rang.  I was so disturbed...I mean...how dare someone call me on my phone.  I decided to see who it was.  817.......uh...uh.....this is it.

Me:  Hello??? 

Kristen: Hey Anna, This is Kristen....this is the call. 

Me:  (screaming in Old Navy)  Oh my goodness....I didn't think you were ever going to call me.

I stood there for a moment....stunned...then thought about the fact that I didn't get my friend's son's shorts.  Maybe I should go to Kohl's....wait ....what am I thinking.....I need to go home NOW and see my BABY!!  I dropped the other items off at her house and told her I was running home to see my baby. 

I called Russ...told him I didn't feel well and would be home in a minute.  He said I sounded weird...I told him nothing was wrong. 

My heart was pounding and I think I had to remind myself to breathe a few times on the way home.  I drove in silence...no radio...just my thoughts (and the squeaking sounds from our old car that is on it's last leg...or tire if you will).  

I pulled up...ran to the door...completely trying to act normal...Russ met me at the door.  I could tell he was worried but I knew he had no idea.  I told him we had gotten the call!

We set the computer up and called Kristen.  She didn't answer the first time but answered the second time.  Good thing because I was calling every minute until she answered. 

When her picture came up and she told us her age...we were stunned.  I had no idea she would be so little....so tiny....so beautiful.  I looked over and Russ was weeping...which was just as beautiful a site as her.  We didn't speak for minutes...we were quite literally speechless.  After hearing her story...God was suddenly bigger and grander than I realized.  I felt like I had just gotten a glimpse of Him and his character....I suddenly knew Him better.  

He put her on our heart 3 years ago....and on the day we got the call...she was 3 days from being 3 months old.  She is perfect and has the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen.

What an amazing end to the week.  For 8 months I wanted the call.  While nothing spectacular happened during this past week....the timing of the call was perfect.  Russ and I had been depressed, sad.   Our prayers had turned to begging....but this past week..we both realized that and consciously spent time trying to come to a point where we wanted God's timing not ours.  By Thursday we weren't desperate...well, maybe a little....but we were ready.  What a wonderful day!!!  Thursday night and Friday were spent driving around North Mississippi showing her off to our friends and family. 

Absolutely amazing experience. We love her so much.

There are no words

It has been 18 hours and we are still staring at pictures of the most precious, tiny, beautiful 3 month old little girl ever.  God is bigger and grander than we ever imagined.  More details to come :)

we love you all.

Let's help the Scopel's!!!!

I LOVE helping people with their adoptions because I know first-hand what a difference it can make. We have had so many people help with our adoption....and LOVE our little Lucy even though they have never met her.  I love that concept.

So, today I want to tell you about a way you can help another family, The Scopels.  They are adopting a little girl from Uganda.  They were going to go on the waitlist but found a waiting child that they fell in love with.  They are in the process of doing their paperwork...but hopefully it will go quickly!!

To raise money...they are selling t-shirts.  The t-shirts have this logo on them.

You can order sizes Youth Medium, YLarge, Adult Small, Medium, Large, XLarge and XXLarge.  Long sleeves available for an extra $3.  The shirts are $25 (shipping included) or $20 if you do not need shipping.  Shipping is $5 per shirt. Email Amy   (amyscopel@gmail.com)   to order one!!! (or 2 or 10 :))

Check out their blog HERE for more info on t-shirts and to read more about their amazing journey!!!

8 months

I never thought we would see this month on the waitlist.  When we originally started...the wait time was 4 months for a child over 12 months.  We assumed that since we were open to a child up through 15 months that we would wait around 4 months.  We have now doubled that time.

There are moments that are really difficult....hard to explain but it just feels like someone is missing all the time.  We constantly think of her and are trying to enjoy this time because we know our lives will change but it is still hard.

And even though I think crazy thoughts about this even being God's will or is this adoption even real...God reminds me that He is in control.  Russ and I are learning and growing through this wait and I am so thankful for that.

I went for a run last week and just asked God to give me a word.  Russ and I had both been anxious and didn't know for sure why.  Then the phrase "It is well with my soul"  came to mind.  That is my prayer...that no matter what we go through...or how long we wait....it would be well with my soul.  PEACE is what I pray.  I pray to be content...I choose to have faith....knowing that when our Lucy comes along...God will lead her to us.

Habakkuk 2:3

"For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail.  Though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay."

Deuteronomy 31:8
"The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed."

It is Well with My Soul:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, it is well,
With my soul, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath she'd His own blood for my soul.

It is well, It is well,
With my soul, with my soul
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
It was nailed trough his cross, and I bear it no more,
Bless the Lord, bless the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, It is well
With my soul, with my soul
It is well, it is well, with my soul

Here's to hoping that this will be the week :)  Thank you so much for the support and kind words....we love you guys!!!